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Destructive Narcissistic Behavior, Contempt Main Slayers of Intimacy Among Couples – Psychologists

| Sep 06, 2015 07:56 AM EDT

Corrosive narcissism, which encompasses behavior and attitudes springing from an inflated view of onself, can be destructive to the individual and to other people, W. Keith Campbell, co-author of "The Narcissism Epidemic" said.

Narcissism has reached epidemic proportions, ruining relationships of many couples in the United States, psychologists W. Keith Campbell, Ph.D. and Jean M. Twenge, Ph.D said. They also noted how various trends, including inappropriate posts in social networking sites where narcissists thrive, are all linked to the rise in narcissism, 

Because narcissistic people exhibit overly controlling and destructive behavior, lack empathy and emotional warmth, they are more likely to have short-lived romantic relationships and are more susceptible to stray, Dr. Twenge noted. Hence, the possibility of divorce is increased. 

In the book "The Narcissism Epidemic: Living in the Age of Entitlement" that University of Georgia Department of Psychology Head Campbell co-authored with Twenge, he noted how a culture obsessed with self-admiration has developed in the US.

Narcissism, which falls in the dark triad of personality traits, may be exhibited in varying degrees, Dr. Campbell said. It is the full-blown clinically diagnosed NPD (narcissistic personality disorder) that has been wreaking havoc on relationships and everyday life.

Other psychologists, including Dr. Karyl McBride Ph.D., author of the recently published book "Will I Ever Be Free of You?: How to Navigate a High-Conflict Divorce from a Narcissist and Heal Your Family" support Campbell's view.

In her own book, Dr. McBride cited examples of the typical narcissistic husband or wife who, despite the showy manifestations of love, tends to be manipulative while mentally and emotionally abusing spouse and kids.

Dr. McBride also enjoined her online followers to take part in a discussion on Facebook. She received responses ranging from a personal account of how narcissism has eroded a personality, to a clinical perspective that acknowledged how all people tend to have a narcissist side, but that "it is the pathology... that robs loved ones, children in particular, of pieces of their soul."

Marriage and family therapist Dr. Athena Staik singled out three identifying traits of a narcissist, namely, the inability to empathize, much less understand the concept of partnership; "constant neediness" to look down on people; and derivation of pleasure in hurting others, Psych Central published.

Dr. Staik also cited what other therapists/relationship experts say, that being overly critical breeds resentment, in the process lessening the connection and intimacy between couples.

Psychologists John Gottman and Robert Levenson similarly cited that one destructive behavior that can be a main predictor of divorce, with close to 95 percent accuracy, is seeing one's partner with contempt, Business Insider reported.

In Gottman's viewpoint, contempt, apart from constant criticism, defensiveness and withdrawal, is part of the "Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse" leading to relationship doom and marital collapse.

He added that seeing oneself or one's partner exhibiting the signs of narcissistic behavior need not be cause of huge despair. Recognizing the narcissism epidemic and becoming aware of its negative impact can lead the person to take steps to combat the destructive behavior.

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